The Illusion of “You complete me”

“Your heart is only safe in your hands, another person will not give a thought to drop it and break it at the slightest sign of stress”

Two halfs never make a whole or two halves will never make a complete whole put mathematically 1/2 +1/2 ≠1. I know that this does not make any sense at all to some people. But let me be candid on this. Many walk through life looking for love. Looking for somebody to make them complete. May be a girl looking for a guy or vice versa. What are they looking for really from the sought after relationship? The reasons I get goes like this “I need someone to love me, appreciate me and so and so” and the rest of the reasons that don’t break any ice. True we all need that especially; but the method and the state in which we seek what we call the ‘love of our lives’ is very important. To help illustrate this point, let me use the Christian Bible taking from Mark 11: 23…. Jesus gave to His disciples the way to pray if one wants to get what they ask for, and it goes like this (paraphrased)

“What so ever you desire when you pray believe that you already have it (or received it) and it will be yours” end of quote.

In other words if you approach God with the feeling that you don’t already have what you are seeking, you are not going to get whatever it is into your life from that prayer. That is a wasted prayer.  Faith is being in a state of already having even before it actually manifests in your life. So many prayers will go unanswered in peoples’ lives because they approach God with a shopping list whose items they don’t even believe they can have or receive. Read the Bible again and you will find countless occasions when Jesus used the words ‘Your faith has made you whole or your faith has healed you”. Where was the faith? Was it with Jesus or the person asking? of course the person asking. Remember the story of the woman with an issue of blood? The woman knew she had already been healed and all she needed to do was to touch the source of the healing. Now here is the mathematics, the source of the healing does not have half the healing but it’s whole and complete healing. Therefore, the woman did not go to Jesus with half faith because there is no such thing as half healing. Its either you are healed or you are not.

Now what has all this got to do with relationships? Well, if you are trying to go into a relationship believing that you don’t already have what it takes to be happy and hoping to get what is missing in your life from a partner, you are in for a big shock. Your potential partner might also be missing some other big things and they are looking for someone they believe has what is missing. Imagine two people with something missing meet and get into a relationship. Either persons in such a relationship will be expecting the other to give what they also don’t have. The result will be an endless sop-opera of arguments and counter accusations of who does not care or not sensitive. People like this have entered a relationship from the perception of ‘I don’t have’ and believe me it is a very dangerous place to start a relationship. When you enter a relationship with the hope that your partner will complete you in every way, you have entered the relations from a deficient state and you are likely going to be a slave in that relationship. Why? Because you have nothing to offer in that relationship. Your partner does not complete you but they complement you, because you were created complete with everything you need to be happy except that you may not just be aware. Every feeling you feel whether anger or sexual all come from within you and not from the other person; that is the illusion of life. 

The problem is that we have been brought up in a culture where we have been taught that there is something missing about us and spend the rest of our lives trying to find what is missing from every corner.  We have lived in this illusion from childhood to the point of being hypnotized with it. That is the reason when girls turn 18 going to 20 years old immediately after High School, begin to get busy thinking their time in the so called love market is fast running out. But stay cool baby girl who has bewitched you with such lies? You can’t go on in life with perceived missing pieces, there are wolves in the market and they will abuse you in your quest to fill up the missing pieces.

I know we are all not responsible for our traditional practices that we have inherited, we simply found them. But culture should not be static and should evolve in such a way that whatever is not profitable in the current era must be done away with. You remember most of us when we were growing up and you asked for money from mommy who in turn said she doesn’t have but all the time she redirects you to go ask your father for the money? This alone programmed the girl child that the man of the always has the money. When she grows up and gets into marriage, the husband is in trouble because he has to provide all the money. The same with the boy child; he grows up into a man with the mentality that he controls all the resources. Therefore, even after he matures and marries, the wife will not have the full rights over the money he earns. It is a cultural inheritance thing. That is the reason some wives do not even know how much their beloved husbands earn every moth not even the PIN code to the Bank ATM Card. Just for men, It’s a lot of work trying to give your wife even money for tomato from your pocket. Grow out of it, its shameful! 

'Let us take the responsibility of making the necessary change in our culture and not allow culture to kill the dreams of the girl child especially. She is endowed with so much creative power that can easily change an entire nation. Imagine the mothers selling on the Markets, if they were all empowered from the start and they got the necessary education. What we currently see in the markets as market stands would have been Industries creating employment and adding to the GDP. may the Ladies Amen' 

I thought I should mention this.. back to relationships..

A healthy relationship is where two people come together in the state of I do have something to give. Love is about giving and not getting. People resist anyone trying to forcefully or cunningly get something out of them. That is the reason why God in Genesis says “…..and the two shall become one” two people only become one if they come together complete with everything to give. When people in relationships give willingly everything they have, they both benefit greatly. Let me end with this motivation to someone..

‘WHATEVER YOU THINK IS MISSING IN YOUR LIFE, IS WHAT YOU ARE NOT GIVING’    

If Joy is missing in your environment, it's only missing because it's still stuck in your heart and you haven’t given it. So don’t blame everybody else for your misery of not being complete. You are a power plant capable of generating anything you desire in your life. The Choice is yours to take a trip into yourself and find the infinite abundance still waiting to unfold at your command

Leave a comment, I would like to hear from you. Thanks in advance for reading

With you in Mind     

Bright

IN WHAT STATE ARE YOU?

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”

~Thomas Jefferson

Listen to this story ....

This man gets up every morning, takes his shower, shaves, eats breakfast and climbs down the stairs and boards the bus for a 45 minute ride.  He steps off the bus and feels the beach under his feet. He walks the beach up and down every day all day long looking for the Statue of Liberty.  Low and behold there is no Statue of Liberty.

As night falls, he stretches and looks out over the water to see the Santa Monica pier and turns and spins around to see the "Hollywood" sign.  He boards the bus disappointed again because he did not find the Statue of Liberty. He has been doing this for years. Every day he does the same thing.  

Once again he goes to the Santa Monica pier, much more disappointed than the day before, sits in his chair crying tears of sadness, dismay, frustration. Finally a woman walks up to him and asks him why he is so distraught.  The man tells her every day he comes to the Santa Monica pier to see the Statue of Liberty, but he can never find it. The woman says to him, "No wonder you cannot find it. You are in the wrong State."

The lesson here is even if you are a well-meaning person, if you are in the wrong STATE OF MIND - you will not find what you are looking for.[You must be in the right STATE to achieve anything in life.

Today will bring you a new awareness, a lesson or a manifestation that you are making progress - IF YOU LOOK FOR IT!  No matter how large or small, please record it.

SUCCESS leaves clues. Pay attention to the things you have gone through in life, the successes including the setbacks and you will notice a series of hints of success nuggets embedded that you could have taken advantage to achieve something good. BUT guess what? Its never too late to start.

THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!

THREE REASONS PEOPLE FAIL TO MAINTAIN MOTIVATION FOR SUCCESS

"Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up"

~Thomas Edison 

"Motivation is literally the desire we have to do things. It is the difference between waking up before dawn to get started on a particular project and lazing around the house all day watching TV. It's the crucial element in setting and attaining goals. Research shows you can influence your own levels of motivation, but far too often, we fail to do so. Staying motivated can be a real struggle. When trying to maintain motivation, our drive is constantly assaulted by negative thoughts and anxieties about the future.

 

Everyone faces doubt and depression at one time or another. What separates the highly successful from those who fail is the ability to stay motivated and keep moving forward. There are three major reasons people fail to maintain motivation.

 

· Lack of confidence—Simply put, if you don’t believe you can succeed, what’s the point in trying, right? When this happens, it’s usually because you’re focusing entirely on what you want and neglecting what you already have. Because of this, your mind creates explanations for why you aren’t getting it. This creates negative thoughts about how you feel about yourself. Your mind is dominated by past failures, bad breaks, and personal weaknesses. You can become jealous of your competitors, which causes you to start making excuses for why you can’t succeed. When you try to function under these conditions, you can make bad impressions, assume the worst about others, and lose self-confidence. Instead, you should try to focus on gratitude. Take time to focus all the positive things in your life. Prepare and refer often to a mental list of your strengths, past successes, and current advantages. People often tend to take their strengths for granted and dwell on their failures. If you focus on feeling grateful, you’ll see how competent and successful you already are. This will restore your confidence and get you motivated to build on your current success. It might be difficult to understand how repeating things you already know can improve your mindset, but it can. The mind can often distort reality to confirm what it wants to believe. The more negatively you think, the more examples your mind will discover to confirm that belief. When you believe you deserve success, your mind will generate ways to achieve it. You will need to have belief you'll achieve your goals. Faith will unlock the doors. Numerous individuals come across choices but never take action considering that they never believe they might succeed.

 

· Lack of focus—If you don’t know what you want, is there anything you really want? Many times, people focus on what they don’t want, rather than on a concrete goal. They normally think in terms of fear. You may be afraid of being poor, afraid no one will respect you, or afraid of being alone. The problem you face when thinking like this is that fear alone isn’t actionable. Instead of doing something about your fear, the fear feeds on itself and usually drains your motivation. If you become caught up in fear-based thinking, you should try focusing that energy on a well-defined goal. If you do this, you automatically define a set of actions. If you’re afraid of being poor, create a plan to increase your income. It might be going back to school, obtaining a higher paying job, or developing a profitable website. The key is moving from an indefinable desire to tangible, measurable steps. If you focus your mind on positive goals instead of fear, you put your brain to work creating a plan for success. You are no longer worrying about the future. Instead, you’re beginning to do something about it.

· Lack of direction—If you don’t know what to do, how can you possibly be motivated to do it? When you’re focusing on having an ultimate goal, direction means having a day-to-day plan to achieve it. Not having direction can destroy motivation, because without an obvious next action we succumb to procrastination. The key to finding direction is identifying the activities that lead to success. Make a list of all your activities and arrange them based on the results you achieve from each activity. Then make a make an action plan that focuses on the activities pay off. When you keep track of your most important tasks you will direct your power towards success. You have to possess specific targets if you wish to remove confusion. It's like attempting to carry out a number of things at the same time. You'll certainly not get anything done trying to complete everything. When you feel yourself losing motivation, you can regain direction by creating a plan that contains two positive actions. small task you’ve been meaning to do, while the second should be a long-term goal. When you immediately do the smaller task, you create positive momentum. Then it’s easier to take the first step to achieving the long-term goal.

 

It’s practically impossible to avoid periods of low energy, bad luck, and even the occasional failure. Motivation can be difficult during these times. There is no simple solution for a lack of motivation. Even after beating it, the problem reappears at the first sign of failure." 

Here are a few tips you can use:

1.      Know what you want to achieve: If you don’t know what you want to achieve, how will you know when you achieve it? Deciding exactly what you want to do is the beginning of staying motivated to finish it.

2.     Determine the steps to reach your goal: There are things you need to do for anything you want to do. Knowing what the steps are will give you a guideline. They’ll also give you mini successes as you complete each step.

3.      Devise a plan: Though there may be many steps to take, it is necessary to know in what order you need to achieve them. If possible, alternate between those that are easy to achieve and those that will take longer. This way, you don’t go through long periods of time without completing part of your plan. It will help you feel more successful if you complete parts of the plan often

 

By Sleny Ku, Founder & Chief Abundance Officer, http://365JustDoIt.com

 

A Millionaire’s 9 Question Guide to Goal Setting

    "The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts."

Marcus Aurelius
121-180 AD, Roman Emperor and Philosopher

 
 

Let me share with you a blog post done by Yee Shun-Jian on August 2nd, 2007 on the subject of goal setting and achievement

The 9 simple yet really powerful questions that can help you and I set Smart goals for our lives:

1) Is your Goal S.M.A.R.T.?

Specifc
Measurable
Achievable
Realistic
Time-Based

I am sure you know what a S.M.A.R.T. Goal is (because you are all incredibly SMART people!) so I won’t go into too much detail here. Let’s just use an example to illustrate this point:

“My Goal is to achieve a net worth of US$1 million by 1 January 2009, 0000hrs (GMT +08:00).”

2) Why must you achieve your goal? What’s the pain associated with not achieving the goal? What’s the pleasure of achieving the goal?

Using the previous example, the pain associated with not achieving the goal would be:

“I would have to slog hard all my life and be a perpetual money-making machine for others!”

The pleasure would be:

“I would be able to invest the money to grow income passively and have more time and freedom to do the things I like.”

3) What do you consider as the most important thing in your life?

Is it your family, personal development, health or financial pursuits? Could it be your career, friends or maybe even time for leisure activities? Identifying the most important thing in your life right now helps you to focus and set clear goals based on your priorities.

4) Is it a must or is it a want?

There’s a big difference between wanting to achieve a goal and having it as a must. We all want to achieve a lot of things – that dream house and/or car, to lose weight, to write a book, to have that million dollars in your bank account etc. But why do most of us not achieve those desires?

Because it is simply that – a mere desire. It’s not a must. It’s not something that needs to get done! Unless you make your goal a must, it is very likely you would never achieve it.

5) What obstacles are preventing you from achieving your goal? What must you do to overcome them?

Knowing what you must achieve is not enough. You have to anticipate the challenges you are likely to face. Think about what you can do to deal with those challenges and perhaps turn them into opportunities.

Going back to the “millionaire goal”, some obstacles could be the lack of know-how and suitable, qualified mentors. One way to overcome this obstacle is to attend more seminars and networking events to get to know more people and discover new business opportunities.

6) What are the resources that can help you achieve your goal?

Who are the people you know or should know that can help you achieve your goal? List them down.

What are the skill sets you possess, that you believe can contribute towards reaching your goal? List them down too.

Knowing and gathering what you need will aid in propelling you towards achieving what you are aiming for.

7) What is your plan? How are you going to achieve your goal?

Now, you may have heard this before:

Your “How” is important but it is not as important as your “Why”, because once you know your “Why”, somehow you would be able to figure out your “How”.

You can start off having a goal without knowing “How” you are going to achieve it. But along the way, you MUST figure it out.

Are you going to earn your first million from internet marketing or the stock market? Investing in real estate or network marketing? What are the concrete steps you must take to move yourself closer to your goal?

Your “How” prepares you to execute on your goal. Rack your brains, form a mastermind group. Think about HOW you are going to achieve your goal.

8) What must you do every day to reach your goal?

To get where you want to go, you have to change what doesn’t work. Installing new empowering habits is crucial.

Now that you know your target and you know how you are going to achieve it, delve into the details of what needs to be done every single day to move you forward, gradually but surely, towards it.

9) Are you using the power of your sub-conscious mind?

Learn to harness the power of your sub-conscious mind. There are 3 ways you can do that:

a) Autosuggestion
The sub-conscious mind cannot differentiate between truth and lies. If you repeat something over and over again, your sub-conscious mind will believe it to be true.

One way to capitalize on this fact is to make an audio recording of your desires and dreams. Listen to this every night just before you sleep and every morning just after you wake up. These are the times your sub-conscious mind is most receptive.

b) Write down your goals
It is very important to have your goals written down and pasted on places you frequent such as your desk and the bathroom mirror. This will fill your sub-conscious mind with constant thoughts about those goals. Let the power of your sub-conscious mind work in your favor.

c) Dream Board
A dream board is basically a pictorial representation of your goals/dreams. You can create a dream board by using magazine clippings. For example, you can cut out a picture of your dream car and paste it on your dream board.

Like your written goals, place your dream board in a visible place so that you can look at it every day.

Create a dream board for yourself today. You will be amazed at the results!

RISING ABOVE LIFE'S DEFEATS WITH A SMILE

SUCCESS HAS BEEN KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR PACKAGED IN WHAT LOOKS LIKE PROBLEMS

Lessons from the Chinese Bamboo tree!

To be successful is not an accident but a planned phase of anyone’s life. Let us use the Chinese Bamboo tree as an example. This remarkable tree is different from most trees in that it doesn’t grow in the usual fashion. While most trees grow steadily over a period of years, the Chinese bamboo tree doesn’t break through the ground for the first four years. Then, in the fifth year, an amazing thing happens – the tree begins to grow at an astonishing rate. In fact, in a period of just five weeks, a Chinese bamboo tree can grow to a height of 90 feet (the height of a six storey building). It’s almost as if you can actually see the tree growing before your very eyes. http://donmillereducation.com/journal/the-chinese-bamboo-tree/     

The question is when does the bamboo tree grow to the height of 90 feet? Is it in five weeks or five years? The answer is obvious; it takes five years because before the bamboo breaks through the ground, it grows and builds its root system deep enough to be able to sustain the full height and weight of the full grown bamboo tree when it shoots out of the ground. Let’s back up a little in this illustration and establish a truth, in a bamboo seed there is a 90 feet bamboo tree already encoded. Are you with me? Therefore, the bamboo seed does not try to become a bamboo tree; it is already a bamboo tree. When the bamboo seed is planted in the soil and the right conditions are present, the seed becomes what it already is, that is the bamboo tree. Are you following? Comparatively, in every maize seed there is a maize plant. Every human being is born with a seed of success. However, humans have a choice whether to become successful or not. Does that make sense? Stay with me on this.

Now, I know that everyone wants to be successful, but like the Chinese bamboo tree in our example, success requires preparation. Before any farmer plants their crop, they prepare the field. Some wise gentleman said it is better to anticipate an opportunity in the future and prepare for it than to have an opportunity come and pass you by because you are not ready. Are you anticipating becoming say a lawyer? All you can do is to go and study law because surely an opportunity for a vacancy for a lawyer will come but what will you do without a law degree? Nothing, but only “wish, would have, could have or should have”. But who does that help? Life puts us through preparation periods, however, many times we ignore the lessons and simply choose to complain or cry about the effects of our so called troubles and for that reason the opportunity for which the lessons were meant for you to learn and grow your roots deep, would pass you by. You may even accuse the devil, but the truth is that you were not just ready (period). In life, whatever you are going through right now no matter how difficult it may be, please think and ask the question, what is the lesson I need to learn in this situation? Look at the sum total of all the things you have gone through in your life both good and bad. Tell me if right now there isn’t any one bad situation you can’t thank God for because of the bigger blessing that came out of it in your life. For some of you, because you were forced to leave the cruelty of an aunty, uncle or cousin from wherever you originally stayed, what might have come out of it could be that you found the love of your life, opportunity or dream job in the town or place you thought you were forced to run and seek refuge from. Do you see how difficulties push us to our destiny? In this article I am not saying you should wait for difficult situations to push you to your destiny, all I am saying is that you should take action consciously towards your desired success. To be successful, you have to begin to see yourself successful, mentally, emotionally and begin to make the necessary changes in your life that are congruent with your desired success even before your current circumstances begin to look like success. In God’s eyes, you have the seed of success already embedded in you. Create the right conditions in the soil of your soul, so that the seed of success can shoot out into your life as success itself.  I know that someone might be asking, but how can I see myself successful when I have never achieved any amount of success in my life before? Well, let me give you an idea, think about someone in your life right now that you know has achieved a certain level of success or wealth that you admire and list down the things, virtues you admire about that person. In writing the things you admire about that person, what you are doing in that moment is actually describing yourself, your true essence. That’s your desire, that’s what you really are made off and want to ultimately become but you are not aware. Don’t confuse admiration with envy please! If you are not aware of success, it will not come. What you think you admire in that person out there is actually inside of you trying to express itself with a strong feeling. How else do you think you are able to identify those virtues in others if that is not already in you? Why do you think you feel something about helping the vulnerable groups and only the lack of money or resources stops you? It’s because it’s part of the blue print of your true self that wants to help. Believe me, you can do something about yourself and achieve your desired level of success that can enable you make the difference in other people’s lives and be fulfilled. 

Life may have thrown you in the darkest wilderness in this world looking after sheep like the story of young David in the Christian Bible and it seems like no one cares about you. Remember, it was in the wilderness where David acquired the skills of war and fought lions and bears defending the sheep as part of his training, unknowingly. These are the skills that David needed to kill Goliath, a significant event that propelled him to ultimately become King of the nation of Israel. Your tough life's moments right now are the propellers you need to your crown of greatness  

SETBACKS ARE A SETUP FOR YOUR GREATEST COMEBACK

With you in mind